I had reached a low point. I left the A&E with help on how to get a Psychotherapist and encouragement to attend a Tagesklinik. Sadly, both of these had lengthy waiting lists. At the moment I was spending my days lifeless on the sofa, waiting for TheWife to come home so that we could crack open a bottle of wine, so that life was bearable for a few hours. Things needed to change. I started going to the gym. It was hard, I would spend most of my simple workout with my eyes closed (rowing, weights, running etc). My eyes were just too heavy to open. Plus, it helped to shut out all the information that I was incapable of processing. My workouts were very perfunctory, but at least I was leaving the house occasionally. Next, I really started to get back into music in a big way, working with Moto, reestablishing contact with a former band mate and getting The Unreal Book podcast started and getting together (in an internet way) with my old band Kerosene – which led, in turn, to Def Robot. I now had something to do at home. Unfortunately, I was still spending the days very much alone, often the first time I spoke was when TheWife got back from work. I needed help, it was time to connect with a specialist. Little did I know, that I was about to meet someone who was to have a significant positive impact on my life. The quite remarkable Dr Frank…….
The first time I met him, he was locked up, for his own good. He looked at us through the bars with a face of pure contempt. He cried out. We were told that there were already people interested in working with him and we had to wait several hours to see if he was available for consultation. He was, and we arranged for him to make a house call. This home visit is now in its 10th month.
It takes a while to gain his trust. He is a good listener though and replies, sometimes in a Brummie (Peaky Blinders) accent but mostly he speaks with a gruff voice, very reminiscent of the comedian Brian Gittins. He is quick with a put down – highly sarcastic. His choice in language could be better – you wouldn’t invite him to meet your mother. He is as well read as I am, quoting from various art films from the 1980s. He eats constantly and cries whenever he is hungry – which is most of the time. He always wants to eat whatever I am eating. He has a penchant for lentils, chickpeas and pumpernickel bread. If he gets frustrated with me he bites and sometimes even relieves himself on the floor – frustratingly close to his toilet. He leaves hair all around the flat. He is very similar to TheWife in many respects – you can decide which ones!
I couldn’t do without him. He seems to know when I am feeling particularly down. He will bunt against my arm and allow me to stroke and tickle him – you don’t get that on the NHS.
Sorry, Dr Frank is not available to take on any extra patients at the moment.
The Absence Of Sleep 